"No problem, what you wish"

These are words that you never want to hear from a taxi driver in the Middle East. They sound so friendly and supportive, but nothing good usually ever comes from it. The words "no problem, what you wish" usually come in response to the question "how much?", as in, how much to such and such a location? Taking a taxi varies dramatically in different parts of the Middle East. In Egypt, for example, every taxi has a meter but it is never turned on, which means that you have to agree upon a price before you ever take off - and never take off unless you've agreed upon a price. If you don't get a firm price then just don't get in the taxi - or get out of it if you're already in. When I arrived in Alexandria I was greeted with those magic words at the airport but I was too tired to fight about it, and I didn't know Alexandria, and the taxi driver's English was great, but it turned into a fairly expensive cab ride (although still less expensive than taking a taxi from the Burlington Airport to Shelburne). Still, I should have known better - that and the fact that he tried to sell me a mobile phone while we were driving to the Sofitel Cecil Hotel. At the same time, he was charming and shared his tea with me as we drove and we had a nice chat so I was fine with the experience. Your hotel is usually a pretty good guide in regards to what you should pay (and always be sure to grab one of their cards that give instructions back to the hotel in Arabic - and, before you go, ask them to write out instructions to where you're visiting in Arabic). That said, I don't think I've ever actually managed to get the taxi driver to agree to the fee that the hotel folks defined as the absolute maximum (mainly because, obviously, there are different fares for locals and for visitors). Still, it gives you a general framework for haggling. On the other hand, all the taxis in Jordan have meters and they use them, and if they take off without clicking on the meter just tap it with your finger and say meter, and they will turn it on - or, if they don't turn it on, once again, just get out of the taxi and pay them nothing. The one thing in Jordan is that the minimum fare, what pops up on the meter when it is turned on, seems to vary - sometimes it is 150 fils (15% of a Jordanian dinar) and sometimes it is 250 fils (the Jordanian equivalent of a quarter - or around 30 cents US). I used to think that the 250 rate was evening and the 150 rate was day rate, but it tends to fluctuate back and forth randomly (so I'm not even certain that it is a visiting American vs. local rate). Generally I've had nothing but great experiences in taxis - just don't expect them to drive like sane people (especially in Cairo, although my time in India has insured that no bit of driving lunacy will even cause me to look up). I've had taxi drivers in Amman help me with my English - one driver in Amman pulled over until I proved to him that I was able to say University of Jordan in Arabic (he was afraid that I'd get lost - it sounds something like Jaamma Ordineeaa) and a driver in Cairo who taught me the Arabic words for left (sounds like shamaal), right (sounds like ameen) and straight (sounds like alatool). This morning was a good example of the mixed bag of taking taxis. I caught a taxi to go the UPS office (my last credit card arrived - hamdil'allah hamdil'allah!!!). The driver, who I think was Egyptian, wore a traditional long white robe and an embroidered cap and, once we started, began to quietly sing a beautiful, and what I considered to be religious, song. It was really remarkably pleasant and even a little emotional because of its understated beauty. I gave him a big tip, just for the experience. After stopping at UPS I grabbed another taxi and he was a little hesitant to click on the meter. Even after he clicked it on (at 250) he said, "no meter." So, I asked, "how much?" He said (wait for it) "no problem what you wish." Of course, it is never what you wish - although I did pay a taxi driver in Alexandria what I wished because of his refusal to name a price and he, oddly, accepted it, albeit glumly. I said "one JD", which was too low, but I wanted to see where this would go. He said, "higher." I said "one and a half JD", which is what I paid on the way there. He said, "no, higher," and I just told him to stop. He said, "meter, meter", but I just opened the car door while we were driving - which was overly theatrical of me, but I also wanted him to know that the negotiations were over - and he pulled over and I got out and gave him nothing. I walked a couple blocks and grabbed another cab and, without asking, he clicked on the meter, took me where I wanted to go, and offered to share his coffee with me.