A Real Tree

Once again, another new experience, and another one which logically should not be a new one. This year for the first time I have a real tree, after fifty years of artificial ones. It just seemed like the right time for any number of reasons. Maybe it's part of my continuing process of starting over and rebuilding my life. Last year I didn't even have a tree. I have this theory that when you've going through a divorce you have to pass through a monastic phase where you have to suffer - that you don't really deserve to enjoy anything, and not having a tree was representative of that mood. So, I sat at home, ducked a family Christmas in Chicago, read the Enright novel The Gathering, watched an Atom Egoyan movie marathon, didn't take any phone calls, and languished in a very dark place. This year, while I still struggle with issues of guilt, I'm just in a much, much better place - and thus a tree, and a real tree, just seemed like the perfect thing to do.