My Years With Proust - Day 562

Now the Baron longed only for a reconciliation, and to bring this about by depriving Charlie of everything he had felt assured of, he asked Mme Verdurin not  to invite him again; a request which she met with a refusal that brought her angry and sarcastic letters from M. de Charlus.  Flitting from one supposition to another, the Baron never hit upon the truth, which was that the blow had not come from Morel.  It is true that he could have learned this by asking him if they could have a few minutes' talk.  But he felt that this would be prejudicial to his dignity and the interests of his love.  He had been insulted; he awaited an explanation.  In any case, almost invariably, attached to the idea of a talk which might clear up a misunderstanding, there is another idea which, for whatever reason, prevents us from agreeing to that talk.  The man who has abased himself and shown his weakness on a score of occasions will make a show of pride on the twenty-first, the only occasion on which it would be advisable not to persist in an arrogant attitude but to dispel an error which is taking root in his adversary failing a denial.  As for the social side of the incident, the rumour spread abroad that M. de Charlus had been turned out of the Verdurins' house when he had attempted to rape a young musician.  The effect of this rumour was that nobody was surprised when M. de Charlus did not appear again at the Verdurins', and whenever he chanced to meet somewhere else one of the faithful whom he had suspected and insulted, as this person bore a grudge against the Baron who himself abstained from greeting him, people were not surprised, realising that no member of the little clan would ever wish to speak to the Baron again. 

Marcel Proust, The Captive, pp. 323-324

As much as we want to blame Morel, and he's hardly blameless, for the angry public "outing" of M. de Charlus there were other agents, most notably Mme Verdurin, who were only too happy to attack the Baron.  We've talked before about the Relational Self and while it is an essential part of the the construction of the Self, it becomes a major problem when that is your only self.  If you live only for other people, and not because your live to serve humanity but because you live for their response and through their machinations, then it never ends well because you don't own or control anything.  Last time we talked about the Baron growing old almost instantly during Morel's outburst, and, truthfully, what makes you either young or old more completely than love? When I was in love with the LBG, and I grew comfortable with the relationship, she suddenly made me feel so young and vibrant, but I also knew that there would come a point when she would make me feel terribly old.