What It Means - Day 64

OK, so we're now over halfway done with Ramadan, so I'm on the home stretch in regards to fasting. As with most things, Ramadan has its own tipping point, and once you're half-way through it's a lot easier to accept the fact that you're going to make it through. As I've said before, in the days before my first Ramadan (this is now my fourth) I had a lot of trepidation, not about my decision to convert but rather my ability to fast throughout the entire month. Truthfully, every Ramadan gets easier, and part of that is knowing that I've accomplished it before. My great friend Steve sometimes refers to me as devout, which I think is pretty funny (I mean, I'm honored that he thinks highly of me, but I certainly don't think of myself as devout, because, well, I'm not). I suspect he thinks that simply because he knows I fast, and if you're looking at Ramadan from the outside then the fasting alone seems devout. As I've stated, going without food is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.  Not drinking, well, that's another thing altogether. Usually by around late afternoon I would kill for a glass a water, and I mean literally kill. Still, I increasingly go out of my way to meet my friends at coffeeshops or restaurants, even if I know I can't have anything yet. If you're the only Muslim in your little social universe then Ramadan can be a very lonely time, and it's important to get out and spend time with your friends, even if you can't have that delicious latte at 2:30 in the afternoon. Happily, I have amazing non-Muslim friends who host Iftars for me, which is remarkably sweet of them. Beyond being very thirsty at times, the other thing that gets me is the sheer exhaustion of it. As I've said before, I'm getting up about an hour later than I should be (although a half-hour earlier than the year before, and an hour earlier than two years ago, and an hour and a half earlier than my first Ramadan) but it's still at 4:00 a.m. And then we can't eat until around a quarter after 8:00 p.m., which makes it very difficult to get into bed before 10:00, so you're perpetually running short on sleep. Now, my more truly devout brothers and sisters at the masjid are both getting up earlier and often staying up later, especially if they're hanging around the mosque for the final prayer and the nightly Ramadan reading of the Quran. When you get to the last ten days of Ramadan some folks include a 1:00 a.m. supererogatory prayer at 1:00 a.m. and even sleep at the mosque. I'm tired just writing about it. So, even if I'm not as strict as many of my fellow Muslims I still fast every day for around sixteen hours, for twenty-nine straight days, and it is tiring. Truthfully, there are times that I cut my fasting a bit short.  I didn't start this spiritual journey to prove to myself that I can overcome obstacles (fasting during Ramadan, like most things, can also be an act of vanity) but rather because I needed to be a better person to the people in my life who depend upon me. If I have a chance to eat with the entire family (an increasing rarity) at 7:00 then I do so without worrying about it. Last weekend the kids made a special brunch for their mom to celebrate Mother's Day, and I happily joined them, because it gave me an opportunity to spend time together and also truthfully compliment them on their cooking. Could I have sat there while they ate, and would they have kindly not said a word? Of course. But then I think I would be guilty of doing it just for vanity's sake, and I would have failed at just the thing that made me want to make this change in the first place.

One of the popular Ramadan themed t-shirts. Considering my habit of acquiring odd t-shirts I can't believe I don't own one.