Meditations #17

 To pursue the unattainable is insanity, yet the thoughtless can never refrain from doing so.

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book Five

So, how have I read and reread the Meditations so many times and never truly learned this. Way too much of the last fifteen years was spent pursuing someone who clearly viewed me as a convenient, dependable tool. On the one hand I have no one to blame but myself, but, sadly, on the other, I caused pain to several people, some of whom I loved dearly, who got caught in the shrapnel. So, beyond the fact that I'm, according to MA, "thoughtless," which is doubtless true, why do we do these things? I'm sure with me with was some combination of vanity and cognitive dissonance, and, well, the peculiarities of the human heart. At this moment the more interesting question relates to why we choose a philosophy or religion in the first place: do we choose one that aligns with who we are, or who aligns with our failings, what we need to be. Obviously, I suck at being a Stoic, which is why I'm drawn to MA.