Life makes me cold. My existence is all damp cellars and lightless catacombs. I'm the disastrous defeat of the last army that sustained the last empire. Yes, I feel as if I were at the end of an ancient ruling civilization. I, who was used to commanding others, am now alone and forsaken. I, who always had advisers to guide me, now have no friend or guide.
Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet, "Apocalyptic Feeling" in Anthology
This was a new passage to me, if not necessarily a new emotion. I had not seen this passage because it's buried in the back of Zenith's Anthology section; that is, the passages which didn't make it into his translation of The Book of Disquiet. As we've discussed, the work didn't come together until decades after his death when all the work was found in pieces in a large chest, which is why there is no set, established version of The Book of Disquiet. Essentially, Janet's copy of the book is different than mine, and they are both correct and incorrect at the same time. I don't know if I agree with Pessoa's point here at this point in my life, but there have definitely been times when I did.
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