Saturday, July 13, 2024

Fundamental Notes

 This was the Venice that I explore in the afternoons, if I did not go out with my mother. For this was where I found it easier to meet women of the people, march-sellers and bead-stringers, glass- or lace-workers, young working-girls whose long black, fringed shawls were no barrier to my love, since I have nearly forgotten Albertine, yet some were more attractive than others, for I did still remember her a little.  I wonder if anyone could have told me exactly how far, in this passionate perusal of Venetian women, what was due to them, and what to Albertine, or my former desire to travel to Venice. Our slightest desire, although striking its own, unique chord, contains within it the fundamental notes on which our whole lives are based. And if perchance we suppressed one or other of these notes, even unheard, even unconscious, a note absolutely no relation to the object of our pursuit, we would none the less feel our whole desire for this object fade away. There was much that I did not attempt to elucidate in the midst of my excited pursuit of Venetian girls. My gondola followed the side canals, as if the mysterious hand of a genie were guiding me through the byways of this oriental city, the more I advanced along the canals the more they seemed to show me the way, slicing through a neighborhood that they divided as their narrow and arbitrarily traced furrows barely perturbed the tall houses and their small Moorish windows; and like a magical guide holding a candle between his fingers to light my passage, they cast ahead of them a ray of sunlight and opened a pathway for it.  You could sense that between the humble dwellings that the little canal had just divided and which otherwise could have formed a compact whole, there was so little space available that a church bell-towers or a garden trellis would directly overhand the rio, as in a flooded city.  But for the churches, as for the gardens which underwent the same process of transposition as occurred in the Grand Canal, the seas was so willing to act as a means of communication, like a side or main street, that on either side of the Canaletto, churches rose out of the water in this old, crowded and poor neighborhood. 

Marcel Proust, The Fugitive, pp. 228-229 (tr. Peter Collier)

I told myself that I was not going to delve into the new translation of Proust's In Search of Lost Time, but I guess that promise didn't last long. Janet and I are headed to Venice for our Thanksgiving break. For some reason she's never been to Italy, although she's also actively trying to attain Italian citizenship through her grandfather (that is, if the Boston Consulate ever decides to actually do its job and schedule her appointment). I've only been to Italy twice, and I loved it both times. That said, I've never been to Venice, and it's the part of Italy that I've most wanted to visit. Venice is the magic place that Proust mentions so often. This section is drawn from the end of The Fugitive, the sixth volume of In Search of Lost Time, shortly after the death of Albertine. We're thinking of staying at the Hotel Metropole, which is so far out of our price range (although less expensive since we're heading there far out of the tourist season, which makes me happy, more for the space than for any money saved). The Metropole is where both Proust and Thomas Mann stayed, so how could we not stay there? I think my declining health makes us, or at least me, more willing to spend money; essentially, who knows when my last trip will be? My dream is a less-crowded Venice, and plenty of ethereal fog masking the ancient and mysterious city - although hopefully a sinister woman in a red raincoat won't pop up to slit my throat.


Nao Alimente O Pombo

 This is a picture that I snapped on last March's trip to Lisbon. We had wandered into the Alfama and plopped down in a little café (probably mainly to rest up my perpetually cranky legs). We had a very nice meal, although what I main remember is the constant battle between one of the waitresses and the pigeons, which had taken on a near Moby Dick level hatred.

Last month I saw the stairs leading up to the café but I didn't have the legs underneath me to make it back, sadly.



Mass Consumer

 Sometimes I think that my biggest contribution to Janet's life is just to say, "Come on, go ahead and buy it, and if you don't want to buy it, I'll buy it for you." I think we're often very bad about letting ourselves do something nice for ourselves. Janet I very averse to spoiling herself, so I'm more than happy to play that role for her. Plus, I just like this picture.

We wandered into some shop some on our favorite street up in the Baixa-Chiado region and I convinced Janet to let me buy her some new clothes, probably by pointing out that there aren't many shops in Calais, Vermont.



Wednesday, July 10, 2024

How Everything Wearies

 Who am I to myself? Just one of my sensations.

My hearts drains out hopelessly, like a broken bucket. Think? Feel? How everything wearies when it's defined!

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet, ch. 154


Over the years I've had so many music discussions - many of them embedded, even now, on this blog - and one of the points I often make, doubtless swiped from someone smarter (which is not a select fraternity), that point that as soon as something has a label it begins to lose its vitality. When something is labelled then it is conscripted into the machine. For example, if there is an official Alternative Music Top 40 then Alternative has been commodified and commercialized and it no longer has any meaning, it has become the antithesis of itself. Is this also true in regards to emotions? Once someone is our "girlfriend" and we are "in love with them" are they and the emotion itself commodified? Is the relationship dying simply because we have grown tired of each other, or because it has been labelled? It's not a new concept, obviously, and helps explain why so many people live together happily for years while consciously avoiding getting "married" (the ultimate commodified concept). Now, do we also do this to ourselves? While we should always be involved in a process of self-examination and self-exploration, do we destroy our own vitality and legitimacy when we label our own thoughts and feelings?


A Padaria Portuguesa

 One of the constant topics of conversation in the cabin is how much Janet and I miss the café culture in Lisbon, whether it's a restaurant or a padaria (bakery). Happily, there was a lovely padaria right around the corner from my little apartment in Lisbon on the last trip. Padaria Portuguesa is a nice chain of cafes in Lisbon, and they are highly recommended for your daily latte and pastel de nata fix.

Quero um galao e dois pasteis de nata, se faz favor.



Feliz Aniversario Senhor Pessoa

 Seriously, what better place to celebrate Fernando Pessoa's birthday (13 June) but at one of his favorite haunts, the Cafe Brasileira, in Lisbon, eating his favorite meal, the bife com molho de café?

You get extra credit if you're rereading his The Book of Disquiet while you're there.



Tuesday, July 9, 2024

In The Disaster of This Book

 Your ships, Lord, didn't make a greater voyage than the one made by my thought, in the disaster of this book. They rounded no cape and sighted no far-flung beach - beyond what daring men had dared and what minds had dreamed - to equal the capes I rounded with my imagination and the beaches where I land with my . . .

Thanks to your initiative, Lord, the Real World was discovered. The Intellectual World will be discovered thanks to mine.

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet, ch. 125


OK, so I chose this passage for reasons beyond the phrase "in the distance of this book," although that seemed to be the appropriate follow-up to the point I made in my previous post about all the reading I've been doing lately and whether or not it was, on some level, a desire to not spend more time writing (I write every day, but I could certainly write more). Recently I stopped taking the prescription for the pain and weariness in my legs (the third of three different ones I've been on over the last three and a half years) because it was making me fat but also intellectually lethargic. I think of how much I was writing before I went on the drugs in the spring of 2021 and how little I wrote for the couple years after. Essentially, I think that the drugs were making me sluggish, both physically and intellectually; I could feel it in class, but especially while trying to write. In the end I decided that I'd rather deal with more pain if it meant that I could have a greater sense of intellectual acuity. I have lots of time to suffer as I get older, but i feel that I'm running out of time to write.

Hah, that's funny. After starting off saying that I didn't choose that passage because of writing and the "disaster of this book" but apparently I did choose the passage for that reason. However, there's obviously more going on. It definitely is a testament to Pessoa's intense internality. No external world or discovery could compare to their internal equivalents. And not to be too Platonic, but isn't he right?