My Years With Proust - Day 464

The truth of the matter was that the member of the band of Balbec girls whom I really loved, although she was absent at that moment, as were the rest of her friends, but was coming back there (I enjoyed being with them all, because each of them had for me, as on the day when I first saw them, something of the essence of all the rest, as though they belonged to a race apart), was Andree.  Since she was coming back again to Balbec in a few days' time, it was certain that she would at once pay me a visit, and then, in order to remain free, not to have to marry her if I did not wish to do so, to be able to go to Venice, but at the same time to have her entirely to myself in the meantime, the plan that I would adopt would be that of not seeming at all eager to come to her, and as soon as she arrived, when we were talking together, I would say to her: "What a pity I didn't see you a few weeks earlier.  I should have fallen in love with you; now my heart is bespoken.  But that makes no difference, we shall see one another frequently, for I am unhappy about my other love, and you will help to console me" I smiled inwardly as I thought of this conversation, for in this way I should give Andree the impression that I was not really in love with her; hence she would not grow tired of me and I should take a joyful and pleasant advantage of her affection.

Marcel Proust, Cities of the Plain, pp. 1150-1151

Marcel now claims that, not only does he not love Albertine (or at least is not going to marry her), but that he in fact loves someone else: Andree.  "The truth of the matter was that the member of the band of Balbec girls whom I really loved, although she was absent at that moment, as were the rest of her friends, but was coming back there (I enjoyed being with them all, because each of them had for me, as on the day when I first saw them, something of the essence of all the rest, as though they belonged to a race apart), was Andree." Now, I've made the point several times that you can love two women at the same time, as compared to lusting after n+1 women all the time.  Having said that, I'm beginning to believe that in truth Marcel doesn't love Albertine or Andree, or anyone other than the specter of his grandmother (we always associate our grandmothers with the concept of true, unconditional love, I would argue even more than our own mothers).  Beyond Marcel's propensity to madly and randomly emotionally hop around, there all too often seems to be a strategy to his love affairs.  For example, read his plan for winning over Andree: "I smiled inwardly as I thought of this conversation, for in this way I should give Andree the impression that I was not really in love with her; hence she would not grow tired of me and I should take a joyful and pleasant advantage of her affection."  On the one hand I guess you could say that it speaks to a sense of despondence/desperation fueled by too many failed love affairs.  On the other hand, I would argue that true love, that is true, pure, mad love, transcends a strategic approach because you have taken the heart/soul/mind to a place beyond cold logic.  If this is true, and, again, what the hell do I know about anything - I am fifty-seven and unmarried - then Marcel's fascination with Albertine speaks more to commodification than love; of, of course, the title of the next entry in Remembrance of Things Past is The Captive.