A Friend of Mime

I suppose that if you've been teaching at a small college for some time - and you possess something akin to a personality - you'll eventually be asked to appear in either a play or a student film.  Oddly, since I don't possess even the shadow of an interesting personality, I've been asked to appear in both.  I have always - and will always - duck appearing in a play.  I do not like public speaking and the thought of it just fills me with dread.  However, I was finally dragooned by two of my students, Ben (the writer and director) and Davi (the producer) to appear in a student film called A Friend of Mime.  I agreed to be in the film because of either a) their willful and skillful misrepresentation of the role, or b) my senior moments, which are expanding more rapidly than the universe: I would bet on the latter.  My understanding was that they were looking for me to pop in for a walk-on, and thus around a two hour time commitment on my part, and their understanding was that I was the "star" of the film.  Of course, if I had actually read the script before I showed up for filming I might have had a better idea of what I was in for.  Not since Brando in Apocalypse Now has the lead actor been more negligent in prepping for the role.  In the end it turned out to be around three full days, but, truthfully, it was a lot of fun.  As everyone knows I'm a complete film nut, and so it was really interesting to see how a film is made.  For the actors - in my case, the "actor" - it consists of a lot of sitting around and watching the director and cameraman discuss lighting.  I didn't have a trailer to retreat to, although Davi was very responsive to my diva demands for donuts.  Certainly, I am not actor, but the students were incredibly patient with me, especially with my tendency to improvise lines - and in this case I think I improvised every line (which had less to do with the tenets of my particular acting school, but rather my inability to remember the lines as written).  Sadly, and happily, the film has disappeared (so if you're looking for a link you'll be bitterly - but fortunately - disappointed) either because of a technical problem with someone's laptop or classic Hollywood creative differences.  So, I have no fear of it popping up on the Internet down the road.

My colleague Karen Klove preparing to apply the makeup.  She showed the students how to do it and they carried out the arduous routine repeatedly after that.

Heavy makeup and a beard is a really bad combination (and my contract did not require me to shave it - thankfully my agent deleted that codicil), and I essentially bathed in bottles of baby oil to remove it.

Not since John Wayne Gacy has s seemingly benignant character inspired such nightmares.

Although I was the "star" I pitched in, which was one of the most enjoyable parts of the process.  Of course, it probably would have been better for the film if I had used the down time to actually learn my lines.

Yes, and the only thing more embarrassing for a camera-shy non-actor is to film in the middle of Hauke Courtyard in the middle of the day.

Doubtless, this has proven to be the most iconic scene.  After a series of bad breaks the Mime has snapped and attacked his landlord, played by my friend and colleague Ken Wade (who actually is a very good actor, and very graciously helped me out).  There is no truth to the rumor that I intentionally messed up my lines so that I could attack him repeatedly.