Redemption

There are times when your moral worth as a dependable, functioning member of society are tested, and you either pass said test or fail.  One such test is your willingness to wear the Sweater of Shame, which is your award for "winning" the Wixon Bowl and finishing last in the Twin Peaks Fantasy Football League.  We have a fourteen team league, and while the top four teams advance to the actual playoffs to play for the title, everyone else gets relegated to the pity playoffs (think of every pity shag you've ever given/received, and know that this is much worse). The 13th and 14th place teams play off in the Wixon Bowl, named after the esteemed Bill Wixon who, truthfully, was not really that bad of a team owner, despite his proclivity to not always fill the spots on his roster, but he left us to go live in Ireland so it's truly his own damn fault.  The winner of the Wixon Bowl, that is the loser of the game, has to wear the Sweater of Shame in a public place, preferably their workplace, and have pictures taken.  Truthfully, that's a pretty mild league rebuke, since in some leagues the worst team's owner has to get a tattoo or at least perform some sort of horrible task, usually naked, in a public forum.  If nothing else, having to wear the pink my little pony sweater in public is usually enough to make you pay more attention to your team.  The esteemed Bob Mayer somehow won the Wixon the first three years of the league, which is actually almost mathematically impossible, and ponied up (no pun intended) and wore the dreaded SOS at a Core division meeting.  Somehow the truly excellent Jack Schultz managed to avoid it last year, which means as the league's acting commissioner (Heidi is actually the commissioner) I need to rectify that issue this year.

To her credit, Lindsey wore the sweater for hours on end at a crowded mall on a weekend, and also provided the requisite photographic proof.  Sadly, no one stopped to ask her about it; such is the curse of youth and beauty.