To organize our life in such a way that it becomes a mystery to others, that those who are closest to us will only be closer to not knowing us. That is how I've shaped by life, almost without thinking about it, but I did it with so much instinctive art that even to myself I've become a not entirely clear and definitive individual.
Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet, ch. 115
I used to joke that I could, almost innately, understand why everybody did everything, with one obvious and alarming exception: me. I don't know if that's changed much, and maybe I don't know why I've remained a mystery to myself because I've spent so much time and effort remaining a mystery to everyone else. Maybe I thought that it made me seem more interesting, more aloof and mysterious, or maybe I just found others far more interesting than myself, and thus investigating them always took precedent over exploring myself.
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